What is BIFF?
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. It is a structured communication method developed by family law attorney Bill Eddy for high-conflict exchanges — particularly co-parenting and legal situations. The goal is a response that is short, factual, warm enough to be unremarkable, and impossible to argue with because it contains nothing to argue about.
When should I use BIFF?
BIFF is most useful when you must respond to hostile, manipulative, or emotionally loaded communication in writing — texts, emails, and co-parenting app messages. It is designed for situations where your response may be seen by a third party such as a lawyer, a mediator, or a judge, and where keeping your communication clean matters.
What does a BIFF response look like?
Brief: two to five sentences maximum. Informative: addresses only the factual content of what was asked. Friendly: neutral and civil in tone, not cold or hostile. Firm: does not invite further debate or explanation.
Non-BIFF response
“I cannot believe you are asking me this after what you did last week. You always do this. Fine, I will pick them up at 3 but this is the last time I do this without more notice.”
BIFF response
“I can pick them up at 3. Please let me know if anything changes.”
What makes a response fail the BIFF test?
It is longer than it needs to be.
It includes emotional content or references to past conflict.
It justifies, argues, defends, or explains more than necessary.
It invites a response or leaves something open for debate.
It contains anything that could be read as hostile or reactive.
Key distinction
BIFF is not about being nice. It is about being unremarkable. A BIFF response gives the other person nothing to latch onto — no emotion to feed on, no argument to escalate, no history to weaponize.
How is BIFF different from what Composed does?
Composed uses its own methodology — responses that are Concise, Clear, Neutral, and Boundaried — which covers the same core principles as BIFF and applies them across all high-conflict communication, not just co-parenting and legal situations.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can BIFF be used in verbal conversations?
BIFF was designed for written communication where there is a record. In verbal exchanges, the same principles apply — brief, factual, neutral, firm — though it is harder to control tone and length when emotions are running high in real time.
Does using BIFF mean I agree with the other person?
No. BIFF does not require agreement. It requires you to address only what needs addressing factually, without engaging the emotional content or the attack. You can set a boundary or deliver information without agreeing or arguing.
What if the other person escalates after a BIFF response?
Escalation after a clean response is common. The other person is looking for an emotional reaction and did not get one. Hold the line. Do not explain your BIFF response or defend why you kept it short. Short and factual is the whole strategy.
How can Composed help with BIFF-style responses?
Composed analyzes incoming messages and drafts responses that are concise, clear, neutral, and boundaried — the same principles BIFF is built on — adapted to your specific situation and the tone you need.
Composed
Know the pattern. Respond with clarity.
Try Composed free at composeit.co.
Try Composed FreeNot therapy. Not legal advice. A communication tool built for hard conversations.
Related Terms
What Is the Grey Rock Method?
A strategy for reducing conflict by becoming uninteresting to high-conflict people.
What Is No Contact?
A complete cessation of communication with a person who has been harmful or abusive.
What Is JADE?
Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain — the trap of over-explaining in high-conflict exchanges.